Severe Depression as a Permanent Condition

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My name is Cheryl and I have severe depression and anxiety. It all started in 2003 after I had my son. I had postpartum depression and I was on medication, but in 2006 when I was 8 months pregnant with my daughter I got a really bad headache. I’ve always suffered from headaches since I was young but this one was bad.

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I found out I had an AVM which is an aneurysm that hasn’t burst yet. I had another c-section and had to get many tests done including 3 spinal taps which now cause chronic pain from nerve damage. It’s called peripheral neuropathy and since it is very painful it makes my depression 10 times worst.

Anyway, I had to have brain surgery. I should have died but I guess it wasn’t my time. My depression is bad now. My dad died from colon cancer 2 years later and my mother died from alcohol. I’ve been through a lot and lost many people. I shut myself off from everyone and I often think about ending my life.

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My 14-year relationship ended with him leaving me and now I have no one. I feel lonely and I get anxiety attacks. With my depression, anxiety, and pain I just can’t take much more. My children are what keeps me on this earth. They are 2000 miles away in Texas with their father which is another thing added to my depression. I feel like no one understands me. I feel like I don’t fit in here and everything that I ever loved I lost…All I have are memories which people love but I don’t. My memories make me sad because I miss them. I wish I could erase all my memories. I don’t want to feel anymore… I don’t want to hurt anymore.

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Source: CureUp

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